were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
