I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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