So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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