I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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