Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
