I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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