Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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