Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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