I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
