you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
