you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
