Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
