Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
