either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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