I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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