Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it because I queefed?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
