Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
