The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
