even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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