So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize