So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
