1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
