I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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