You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
