Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
