I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize