You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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