David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
