Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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