party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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