Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
