by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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