If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
