Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So. Much. Porn.
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