he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
