My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize