Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
