when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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