Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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