The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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