So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What a dumb baby whore.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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