I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
