I need help removing her.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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