So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
