I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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