Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
