Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
