are you still at the devil's house?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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