Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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