Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
