It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
