I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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