Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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