Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
