Pappa wants mamma naked
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
