you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
