Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
