I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
me + whiskey = a bad person
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My dick has a subreddit
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I believe in your delicious
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
