yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
