my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
