I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
