just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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