I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
