No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
