Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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