I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
