I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
