i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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