Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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