Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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