I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
