i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
