I want to make a zoo with you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
