No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
