Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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