i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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