He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
