Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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