Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
