Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
