So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize