Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
