Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just threw up on my dentist
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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