MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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