Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
