Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize