It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
