I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
