I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize