The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
