ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think my moral compass just broke
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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