Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize