So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
