he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize