Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
